Please and Thank You
Lately, I have been concerned about the lack of manners in our society. I’m not sure whether it’s generational or a broader lack of common courtesy. It’s not just the absence of a “please” and “thank you”; it’s more than that.
When I hold the door for someone, oftentimes I get no response. When I let someone in traffic, I don’t get the customary wave of thanks, and on my walks, when I say “hi” to a passing stranger, I sometimes get nothing in return, not even a nod.
Have you also noticed the lack of spatial awareness and basic consideration? When walking in front of someone in the grocery store aisle, do you say excuse me? Do you wait for others to exit a room, subway, or airport train? Everyone seems to push forward with little regard for others. At one time, we would wait for everyone to be served before we lifted our fork. But the final affront is someone not removing their hat when indoors. This especially irks me at a function where the Star Spangled Banner is being sung, and we now have to remind people to remove their caps.
A simple “thank you” takes little to no effort, and yet, I don’t hear it as much as I used to. I wondered whether young adults feel a sense of entitlement or have not been taught basic manners. I have seen this same sentiment in older people as well. Is it because they feel they deserve respect because of their advanced age?
In addition to a simple verbal show of gratitude, there is also a scarcity of thank-you notes. You know, the note your mother made you write before you could spend the money you were gifted. I was taught to write a note of thanks at a very early age. And trust me, it was often a difficult task to thank your grandmother for socks and underwear. But I did, and I am better for it.
When writing a “thank you” note, start with a personal greeting, then explain why you like the gift and how it affected you. Name the gift, describe what you plan to do with it, and explain how it made you feel. It’s good to mention a future connection, such as “I look forward to seeing you soon.” Then close with a sincere sign-off. This was a challenge for me when I tried to express appreciation for the plain white anklet socks I was gifted. As a teenager, I found it easier to write when I received a much-loved record album from my godmother.
Yet, now, handwritten thank-you notes are a rarity. Often, a message of thanks comes as a text or email. I wonder what Emily Post, the foremost authority on etiquette, would have to say about that?
Showing gratitude comes in many forms. I’ve heard that if you give someone a gift and they thank you on the spot, there is no need for a written thank-you. I don’t necessarily agree with this, but it would depend on the occasion and the gift. I personally believe that handwritten notes are the gold standard. So, why are so many people opting out of sending notes of appreciation, gratitude, and thanks?
When researching why good manners have gone by the wayside, several factors emerged. Technology and the internet, as you may have guessed, are a big deal. We lack face-to-face interactions, and it’s easy to be reckless and/or rude in a text or on social media.
There is also a societal shift towards individualism. Many are prioritizing their personal comfort over social decorum. The pace of modern life means less time to sit with our children and teach them basic social and table etiquette. I get it: in the fast-paced world we live in, taking the time to write a note may seem daunting. Yet it is a valuable lesson for future generations and one of the most personal and best ways to show our gratitude and appreciation.
One of the most concerning issues is a generational shift in values. An example of this is texting or talking on the phone in a restaurant. This coincides with prioritizing our own needs over good manners. When did this become acceptable in our society? And when did it become okay to demean a server in a restaurant or use profanity in public? Rudeness, foul language, and a lack of civility and respect for others seem acceptable anymore.
Call me old school, but we need to bring back common courtesy and basic politeness. When was the last time you observed good manners? Tell me about it in the comments.
Bit by bit, that’s all she wrote…