Putting the World on Notice
As we welcome another New Year, most of us engage in self-reflection. It’s a good time to take stock of our lives, revise our goals, or revisit our priorities. Scrolling through social media, I viewed many helpful suggestions, most of which I had aspired to last year.
Seeking new inspiration, I happened across the Instagram account of Melani Sanders, a forty-five-year-old content creator who was recently awarded People Magazine’s Influencer of the Year. She had gained overnight fame and millions of followers for starting an online group called the We Do Not Care Club. Curious to know what they did not care about, I scanned the magazine article.
Melani had been going about her life, posting amusing content about the struggles of balancing her roles of wife, mother to three, and her career. Waiting in her car one morning for the grocery store to open, so she could make her last chance Amazon return, she adjusted her rear-view mirror. Her reflection shocked her. In the throes of perimenopause, she was hot and sweaty. Her glasses were askew, her hair was uncombed, and her bra was too small, so that one of her boobs tumbled out the side. Even more horrifying was the realization that at that very moment, she simply did not care. And so, she picked up her phone, pressed play, and confided to her followers her situation and feelings. She questioned whether anyone else felt the same way. By the time she arrived home, Melani had her answer, millions of them. Her I Do Not Care post had gone viral.
Melanie touched a nerve. Her question resonated with women worldwide. She delivers her hilarious pronouncements with a deadpan delivery. With a hair bonnet covering her head, she sports several pairs of oversized glasses. One is hanging from her shirt, another is pushed onto her head, and a third pair sits on her face. Her leopard pillow wrapped around her neck finishes the look. Melanie holds a yellow marker in one hand and a spiral notebook in the other. Removing the marker top with her mouth, she spits it out, then line by line she makes her daily announcements in her monotone voice, crossing out each one before moving onto the next. One is more relatable than the next.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DSiuotfjV-M/
“We do not care if our leftovers from yesterday are uneaten. That was yesterday, we are a different person today.”
“We do not care if you hear us talking to ourselves and occasionally answering ourselves too, we are having a staff meeting, leave us the heck alone.”
But many of the posts reflect exhaustion and vulnerability. They reflect women who are striving to prioritize their time, their health, and their own well-being, all while organizing everyone’s lives in their family.
“We do not care that we just came home from food shopping, we are tired, and we are ordering out tonight.”
Melani’s posts may reflect the results of carrying what experts refer to as an emotional load, a term describing the labor that often falls on married women with children and careers. How often are women left to manage the emotions, anticipate the needs, and maintain the relationships of every member in the household? And while men are stepping up more to assume the household burden, studies indicate that women are still doing much of the mental and emotional work. Toss in perimenopause, menopause, and post-menopause, and it is perfectly understandable why millions of women across all demographics can relate to the musings of the We Do Not Care Club.
Who remembers the 1980’s commercial featuring the attractive woman, beautifully manicured while singing,” I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan?” The cultural message to society was that women could do it all and look fabulous while juggling these roles. How realistic was that? Just because we can attain these things doesn’t mean we have to do it all at the same time.
Or perhaps the We Do Not Care movement indicates that women are realizing that doing it all comes with a mental and emotional price. They are at capacity and ready to give up control of the daily tasks that traditionally fell to them.
Although retired now, I still recall navigating the many demands of family and career and attempting to look good at the same time. I distinctly remember the moments I struggled being at full capacity.
What is your experience balancing your well-being with that of your husband, your children, and your career? Do you have something that you have let go of, that you do not care about anymore? Please share your “We Do Not Care Anymore” suggestions in the comments below.
Bit by bit, that’s all she wrote…