Blurred Lines of Parenting
As the African proverb says, “It takes a village to raise a child.” A village might include a parent, neighbor, daycare provider, teacher, coach, or instructor. A child’s village has endless helpers.
Throughout my life, I have played a variety of parenting roles. As a teenager and adult, I often babysat the neighborhood kids. I also volunteered at a children’s mental health facility. In my late 20s, I became a step-parent to two young kiddos. And, with the birth of my daughter in my 30s, I became a parent yet again. Volunteering at school and their extracurricular activities filled my time. Later, I became a volunteer court-appointed special advocate (CASA) for abused and neglected children.
Village helpers are everywhere. Working parents might seek out a daycare or a responsible adult to take care of their younger children. Teachers influence and instruct their older school-aged ones. Other adults who have a particular interest or expertise in a field may enter into a child’s life, like a piano teacher, soccer coach, or speech therapist. I have a good friend who is the Auntie Mame-type to her four nephews and one niece and now to all their children. She has traveled abroad with them, counseled them, and been a terrific guardian to the whole crew.
When I became a grandmother a few years ago, I learned from an experienced friend not to cross boundaries. My friend advised me to ask my daughter, “How would you like me to do this?” I am still a parent and now friend with my daughter; I will try to take a backseat in raising my grandchildren. Not wanting to overstep, I am a co-pilot at times, whereas my daughter and son-in-law now take the front seats in parenting. My generation might remember the phrase, “Mother/Father knows best.” Besides, things have changed since I was in the throes of parenthood. I never swaddled my infant daughter like a burrito or had a visual monitor to view every movement in her crib. Now, as a grandparent, my role pivots to giving lots of love, time (Facetime since living miles away), and silliness to my grandchildren while encouraging and supporting my daughter and son-in-law in their parenting journey.
Roughly ten years ago, I took on the reversed role of parenting my aging father. With my dad’s diminished health, my brother and I navigated his journey of maintaining a good quality of life. A compassionate community, friends, and health/home care providers encompassed his supportive village. From parent-to-child and now child-to-parent, as I did with my dad, my daughter is beginning to worry over my health issues with questions, “How are you feeling? Are you taking any medication for your cold?” I answer, “Yes, dear, I’m feeling better and taking some meds,” as I roll my eyes!
One of the greatest honors in life is to help raise a child. There are blurred, unclear lines in the roles of parenting but not in the ultimate goal of raising a child who is confident, resilient, kind, and happy.
Parenting lines are blurred and fluid. What parenting hats have you worn?
Bit by bit, that’s all she wrote…